First of all, where the heck is my check? My company did not send it this week so now Im going to be very late with my responsibilities. They screwed something up because I am being paid more than the max for this position. That sux. Hopefully they will get it resolved today and fedex something to me this weekend or monday. I had a feeling something was going to happen.
As far as the other stuff with my dear Baby-ugh. Right now I could just throw my sandal at her. She doesn't even realize that she is hurting me or making me feel a certain kind of way. And when I show my feelings, her nonchalance just makes me more angry. I know she is all gaga over her wifey today-its a given. I mean, they rarely have romantic sex and I helped orchestrate it last night. But does that mean she is not supposed to be sweet to me today? Does that warrant her ignoring me for the majority of the day?
I guess part of what really, truly pisses me off is that I feel like she is so blind. She gets all revved up because this girl finally broke her off a little. She isnt thinking about all the begging and pleading she had to do to get it. She forgets the tears and insecurity that comes before the queen decides to placate her minion. She acts like this was so wonderful when the girl basically had to give it to her. She had no other excuses. Her cycle-over. Tired-no, short work week. Ummm, just did it? Heck no. Ummmm Mad? nope. Im saying, if we had a long azz conversation about why I dont give up the skins and I could not come up with a feasible excuse, I guess it would have to go down. There was no other option. Why doesnt she see that. This girls pattern has not varied since I have known them.
Beg, beg, cry, give, cuddle, beg, cry, beg, give, give. Then start all over again. Wait a minute, maybe too much givin is in my list. It should average twice a month.
The ultimate thing that pisses me the fuck off is that she wants to treat me like a freakin accessory now that she is all blissful. Its almost laughable. I want to see, just want to see what is going to happen in 2-3 weeks. I pray that wifey does continue to do her thing for the next couple of days. I forsee it happening this weekend and thats it. She will have fulfilled her duties for another few weeks. When things get sketchy again, or shall I say when she gets comfortable again, then what?
I have told my sweetie (ugh) that the day will indeed come when this type of swinging tosses me away. Then when she comes down, she is going to be even more miserable. She already knows its going to happen sooner or later, she just doesnt want to know. All that said, I dont want her unhappy. I truly wish ole girl would get it right. But if she hasnt gotten her act together after what, 3 years? 2? why now? Im not confident that she knows how dire her situation in. But if Im out of the picture I guess its not dire at all.
I wonder why they think that I can deal with anything and everything with a smile. I have so many pressures weighing on me and I do deal with everything, I know I do. But its not easy.
I digress. This is about her. I honestly dont know what is making me so mad. I think its the fact that almost every day she is just on me-texting, emailing, chatting-whatever. Then today the first thing she says is Hi-I got some and it was great. 2 or 3 hours pass. Then I get a We had a patio dealie. Ok. 2 more hours pass and she finally pops in like its nothing. Am I supposed to be ok with that? Am I the only one who can see that she was a little....discourteous and not thoughtful at all?
Sigh.
Why do I even put myself through all of this torture.
And whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy is this other girl, we will call her Nursey, why is she blowing up my freakin phone allllll day? I went out with her 1.5 times. The date wasnt even all that. She has called me all day today, texted me all day. I never answer her calls in the office-not once. But she still keeps calling. And texting. And calling. She is working on my last nerve and in a minute Im not going to care if she has beyonce tickets for me or not. I dont know what is wrong with these people.
You know what, Blog? Im over it. Im just going to chill and not even worry about the consequences. I need a break and Im taking it. Im going to find some lucky as hell cute little scrub girl who has no potential for relationship and just sex her. Take the edge off. And cut all these others loose.
Why bother?
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