Monday Funday

Today's Mood: Silly and Stressed

Ok, today I think I am about 15 years old. I have been in the very best mood all day. Im joking with my coworkers. Teasing my Baby. Im smiling and just happy.

Maybe its because the day started off so well. I laugh now because the phone scared me to death when she sent my first text. I had risen in the night and put the phone on my pillow like a lovesick idiot. When her ringtone sounded, my azz almost fell out of the bed. LOL.

We started off warm and ended up blazing hot, as we often do. Its our special chemistry that allows such passion while we are so far apart.

The day meandered into a silly, fun day. I joked with her off and on, teased my coworkers. Discovered even more ghetto reasons why I have to leave this job. Everyone is griping and moaning, its not even that major. I am outta here, they can stick around if they want to.

I was stressing a little because I have so many things to pay this week. I hate bills. Ugh. But luckily it will all be fine, we will just have to eat oodles of noodles for the next little bit. The only thing that is stressing me is starting this new job. I am doing ok financially but the way the salary is set up is going to be a trial for the first month. I have the week without a check. Then we get paid every week. Im used to getting a nice lumpy check biweekly. Also, since the base is a lot lower than what I make now, they are paying me the difference in a monthy "bonus" check. So I have a smaller amount coming in for 3 weeks and then one fat check at the end of the month. I don't know how that is going to affect my tightly controlled bill-rotation. I keep everything in order, and now I have to reevaluate and shuffle some things. Yikes.

I wont even talk about having to upgrade my wardrobe. Thats the hardest part. Im between plus sizes and regular. That in itself is a mess. Now I have to buy suits and dressy clothes. I hate shopping and I really don't need to spend the extra cash. Im going to have to suck it up and go for it.

Ah-money is no biggie. It comes and goes. Overall, Im so happy and excited. Everything is going so well with me, all is right with the world. Im making new friends, learning more about my old ones. My kids are wildin out, but I guess thats part of being a teenager.

I need to find advice on how to handle sexually active boys. I try to give them advice. I try to talk to them about respecting females. About condoms and std's. I try to talk to them about being safe and careful. Who knows what sticks and what doesnt. I guess I can just blindly wish for them to make it through the fire unscathed. I am guiding them as much as I can, but they are becoming men. Ugh. I dont even want to think about it.

Im ready to go to sleep right now. It will make my phone ring faster.

Sing A Rainbow

Today's Mood: Can a person be totally bored and totally excited at the same time? Hmmm



I went on my interview and it was very, very good. I like the company and the philosophy. The person that I met with was excited to see me, and practically offered me the job right there. He showed me "my" office, and introduced me around. I like it, but as I said, the money is not what I need it to be. It has potential. We will see. It is much less micro-managed than here.

So the title of this post is weird, huh? Its from an old song that we used to sing in honors chorus. It has been playing in my head all day. One of the lyrics is "listen with your heart, and sing everything you see". Thats what Im doing. I decided to listen to the beat of my heart and just go with it. Im going to speak my mind. Let it all hang out. LOL

Today, I told my Baby exactly how I feel about her. How much I love her. How much Im not pressed about anything that she does. I love everything about her, and Im happy with her efforts. We may have our differences, and we definitely have to live with her relationship. To have a second of her love is worth more than anything.

Yeah enough of all that. Im not feeling too mush right now. I feel...straightforward. I just want it out there that these are my feelings, I acknowledge them. The way I feel changes nothing that is our reality, but I see them, I will feel them until they change. Im not going to ignore them or act like they are something other than what they are. And Im bad enough to say that I know she loves me too, whether she wants to confront her feelings or not. So there.

A friend of mine told me that she is looking for a bad beyotch. No a bad-ride-or-die-beyotch. Im on my way to that point. I am so content to listen with my heart and just be.

Blah, blah. Tomorrow I will be trippin about something, so lets all bask in this rare moment of still un-medicated clarity.

Want to talk about "S"? Well we talked tonight. She is a nice lady. Her situation sux. She is being yo-yo'd by her ex. The girl knows she still loves her, so even though she is dating someone new, she still keeps S dangling. Its not right. Until S gets to the point where she is numb and healing, she will stay at this girls beck and call. I tried to tell her tonight that she needs to keep doing what she is doing-casually dating a few people and hanging with her friends. She needs a lot of healing time.

What else? I guess I can rant about my thieving azz kid. I don't know what its going to take to straighten him out, but Im not dealing with his mess anymore. I can't kill him, so I guess I just have to help him work through his issues. Its ok, as long as he maintains some level of respect, Im ok. He will either figure it out or get locked up.

So thats about it for today. I guess Im going to bed.