Wanting Wanted Wednesday

Today's Mood: Loved, wanted, desired

Today has been a good day. It started out with my so-distracted Baby texting me. Her mind was in a million places today so our talking was sporadic. I enjoyed her nonetheless. Any time we have to share is wonderful.

I made it in to work almost on time. Found out that I did get the new job (yay). I gave my notice to my boss but he wouldnt accept it. He said I would get at least $5000/yr raise....hootie hooo big deal. Thats about an additional $100 week. So not acceptable when you think about the fact that we only get one raise a year. So not acceptable when my coworkers still make more than me and I do as much or more than them. In fact all of their numbers are in a decline but mine are in an increase. Oh well. I wouldnt stay for anything. I hate that job.

I need to get my sophistication back. Working there has made me get so ghetto. My vocabulary is slipping. I am not mentally challenged at all. My only concerns are the fact that they may ask me to leave without working my notice and its up to them if they want to pay out my notice or just tell me to get-to-steppin. Also I now have to get some new clothes. I need suits and dressier things. No more capris and lazy clothes. Im excited though, and its a great opportunity.

What else is new? I feel so consumed by my baby's love. I wrote something for her tonight that gave me shivers while I was writing it. Loving her is making me so open. I am more everything. More creative, more loving, more passionate, more patient. I can't wait for her to read it in the morning. She is going to die. I literally almost had an orgasm envisioning the scenes that I wrote about.

I think she is so good for me. Im forever telling her how she makes my life better. What she does for me. I want to know what I bring to her. How do I make her happy, how do I enrich her life. I know how I confuse her-lol. I definitely know how to infuriate her. I want to know what draws her to me from her perspective.

I wonder what kind of woman I am sometimes. I am so many people wrapped up in one. I am so crazy. Im almost 40 but I still play like a kid. I love to play tricks, tell jokes. I love to make people laugh. I am also a fighter. I hardly ever get mad about transgressions against myself but if you mess with one of mine or someone weaker, its ON. I am strong but so fragile at the same time. I think in my life, most people get focused on my strength that they don't see the ultra sensitive side of me. Im passionate, outgoing but still shy on the inside. Im vivacious in public but so content to have quiet time alone. Most time I prefer to chill alone or with a mate. Im driven but not competitive or money motivated. I guess Im a weirdo. A conundrum.

I dont have anything deep to talk about tonight. I am feeling loved and wanted. Its so beautiful. I feel like nothing can touch me, nothing can harm me. She makes me feel so wonderful. Im happy with life.

Tomorrow I will try to find something to be insightful about....


I am done with self reflection for the YEAR. LOL I traumatized myself yesterday and Im not going there today.