Not So Great

Today's Mood: So sick, so tired

Im not feeling well at all. Im physically ill. My body aches, my head aches, my throat aches. I can barely move but I have to drag myself into the office in a little while. That sux so bad.

Im also feeling a little blue because of the way things ended with my baby. Its so strange not to look forward to her calls. Not to chat with her all morning.

I don't feel like we have closure yet. We have talked each other to death but we haven't really said goodbye. Not yet, but I feel like its right around the corner.

I think its time for me to go back into my cave. I ventured out for a little while. After my ex and I broke up, I promised myself that I would never be vulnerable again. She hurt me so badly, messed up my own perception of myself. I was never, ever going to let anyone else in, not even a little.

I let this one in. She touched places that nobody ever even knew were there. Sometimes she made me feel things I didnt know I was capable of feeling.

All I know is that this is not going to happen again. Not for a long time, if ever. Im keeping any newcomers at arms length. Im never giving all of myself to anyone again, no way.

Im still in awe at how much she meant to me. I never knew that I could feel like this. Today, Im not even really distraught. Maybe its the massive amounts of cold medicine thats blocking the pain. Im just amazed that I could care so much. I never knew.