Harmony and Hedonism

Today's Mood: Totally, Unequivocally, Outrageously Horny

Wow. What a difference a day makes. We started out on fire. I was blazing from the moment I heard her ringtone. I guess our little conversation last night ignited something in both of us.

We have the most amazing non-physical physical connection. When we come (cum) together on the phone, its mindblowing. I have had better phone sex with her than actual sex with other people. Normally that would be a sad statement but I have had some pretty great sex in my time. The way we mentally stimulate each other is just unbelievable. Our sounds....I swear I can feel her when we play. I can smell her scent. I....

Im not going to talk about all of that. Amazing phone sex, sexy whimpers, yadda yadda. Yes its very different and its wonderful but thats not what is on my mind right at this moment.

My girl is amazing in so many other ways. I have never felt so special. She is a million miles away but I feel like she is right here. I wake up with her almost every morning. She kisses me goodnight every night. I love it.

But you know, I dont really want to talk about how close we are either.

Hmmm, what is on my heart today? Honestly, Im so aroused and tired...I feel like I have had sex all day. Really I have. Its so cool when two creative and imaginative people come together. We can play head games infinitely. And we do.

I would love to creep inside her mind and find out the things she thinks but does not say. While she is so very verbal...(more on that later...) I know there are a lot of things she keeps inside. She mentioned my layers. I know Im hard to really get to know. She is easier than me but I want to keep going deeper and deeper.

I also want to make her happier than she ever has been. Every now and then I hear a little wistfulness. I want to take that from her tone permanently. I want to erase anything that makes her dimple go away, even for a split second. She often says I want to ease her away from her wife and I don't. What I do want? I want....everything she gives me. She makes me feel so many things and Im hooked. I don't want her to leave her wife. The reason is simple and stupid. If she had to end her relationship, it would devastate her and cause so much pain. I don't want her to hurt.

As long as we do this, she has the best of both worlds. I know I bring everything she wants from her wife. She doesn't realize that she gives me the things that I always wanted. So I really, truly want things the way they are. In my heart of hearts, I guess I can admit that I feel a little scared. I don't know if I am ENOUGH for her. I mean, maybe I won't measure up to her wife. I would hate for her to leap over here and be disappointed by my reality. Maybe Im just good for the good times and not capable of maintaining a real relationship with someone like her. Maybe after the new-car-smell wears off she will see that Im a Nissan, not a Lexus. I don't know.

Ah whatever. Im too happy to worry about all of that. I just love her so. Im back on my pink fluffy cloud. Im disgustingly satisfied with the way we are right now.

I would give anything just to make her smile. She is so...everything. I enjoy just listening to her voice so much. You know, sometimes she will say the silliest and most unexpected things. I have to pause and mentally replay whatever she said before I fall out laughing. Other times she is so smart and serious. Then, like the last few days, she is the most retarded and slow person imaginable. I love the reveal. I hope to be learning things about her 4 years from now.

Ok, its time to log out of this thing. A lot of words saying much of nothing. I have to do better. Right now, I don't have any earth shattering, illuminating deep feelings. Im just happy and horny. Light. Its a great feeling. Thank you, Baby. What you do, and don't even KNOW you do, priceless.