I have to take a little break. I have a lot of things going on that will take up my time. Wait, no, I vowed to be honest.
The truth is that Im even getting tired of reading about my drama. Im tired of sharing my innermost, most intimate self. It matters not what I say or do, people will still form their perception of me and of my actions based on their own realities.
I will say that opening up myself is so hard for me. Letting people know how soft I am, how vulnerable...Putting myself out there so that they can see how much I care....It just doesn't work for me, I guess. They still see my outer strength and translate that into something that makes it easy to handle me in a less than gentle way. They forget that I lead with my heart outstretched, that my feelings are tender, and easily bruised. They forget that I dont often get angry, I get hurt. My openess, my honesty-it all morphs into something else when its processed.
Im tired. Who gives a dayum anyway. At the end of the day, my feelings are inconsequential and don't really affect anyone else.
Bye.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Tired and Trifling Thursday
Today's Mood: IRRITATED
This has been the longest day in history. I am in a horrible mood. There is no major reason for it. I had great news from Olivia Cruises today. They are going to use me more fully to promote in the African American Lesbian community. I am going several places and gaining tons of new skills. I really look forward to seeing whats around the corner with that.
The other side, love life.....Im not even talking about that. Im not happy with her today. I know, yesterday I was loving her more than sushi. Today, I still love her but I am so...LIVID because she...well she hurt my feelings by being a typical tomboyish female. They do not think about feelings or stuff like that until its too late and they are in the dog house. What makes it worse is I know she is not even worried about it right now. She is totally focused on what she is doing. So Im sitting here pissed and she could give less than a dayum. At least thats what I think. Who knows? I won't know because she cannot find a way to spend 1 minute with me until sometime next month.
What really hurt is when she was outlining her day, explaining why she couldnt spend a half a second just to text me, and she said she had to talk to her girlfriend....Ok I know its borderline irrational to let that bother me. I know her relationship. I encourage it. BUT she has never, ever made me feel so....inconsequential before. Just like she feels she has to talk to the wife, she should feel like she has to talk to me.
Anyway, Im not happy. I feel that she was insensitive. I know she is busy and I sent her all these loving notes letting her know that I was thinking of her. Wanting to make sure she had a smile and a mental hug because I just KNEW she was missing me as much as I was missing her. Um uh-uh. I didnt even rate a text until I sent her one first. Mid afternoon.
Now I feel like an idiot. Not good.
This has been the longest day in history. I am in a horrible mood. There is no major reason for it. I had great news from Olivia Cruises today. They are going to use me more fully to promote in the African American Lesbian community. I am going several places and gaining tons of new skills. I really look forward to seeing whats around the corner with that.
The other side, love life.....Im not even talking about that. Im not happy with her today. I know, yesterday I was loving her more than sushi. Today, I still love her but I am so...LIVID because she...well she hurt my feelings by being a typical tomboyish female. They do not think about feelings or stuff like that until its too late and they are in the dog house. What makes it worse is I know she is not even worried about it right now. She is totally focused on what she is doing. So Im sitting here pissed and she could give less than a dayum. At least thats what I think. Who knows? I won't know because she cannot find a way to spend 1 minute with me until sometime next month.
What really hurt is when she was outlining her day, explaining why she couldnt spend a half a second just to text me, and she said she had to talk to her girlfriend....Ok I know its borderline irrational to let that bother me. I know her relationship. I encourage it. BUT she has never, ever made me feel so....inconsequential before. Just like she feels she has to talk to the wife, she should feel like she has to talk to me.
Anyway, Im not happy. I feel that she was insensitive. I know she is busy and I sent her all these loving notes letting her know that I was thinking of her. Wanting to make sure she had a smile and a mental hug because I just KNEW she was missing me as much as I was missing her. Um uh-uh. I didnt even rate a text until I sent her one first. Mid afternoon.
Now I feel like an idiot. Not good.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Wack Wednesday
Today's Mood: Hangin....
I am SOOOO BORED. Im not only bored with work but bored at home too. Im doing very little here in my last few days at work. I have nothing to do. There is no need for me to build a rapport with any new students so Im farming out new leads to my coworkers.
I have spent the last hour working on Olivia stuff. The more I work on it, the more frustrated I get. Dealing with black women is a pain in the azz. I am so sick of the crab in a barrel mentality. Why cant we work together to make things happen?
I am suffering from too much coffee. Im so high right now and I cannot sit still. They shouldnt keep it so friggin cold 'up in hurr' lol.
Love talk? Well my Baby continues to bring me joy. Yesterday she told me she had a full day with her job and her wife, so I wouldnt hear from her until late today. I pouted and resigned myself to flying solo for the majority of the day. I even set my alarm clock to wake me, something I havent done in months because she always starts my day off with a smile.
This morning, I was laying there (pouting still) and she texted me! I was so surprised and happy. She also spent a lot of time with me today, unexpectedly. I have always begged and pleaded for my partners/lovers to LISTEN to me. I do not ask for a lot. I am so appreciative of the little things. She does that so well. She hears what I say and what I dont say. Amazing.
Im enjoying getting to know her. I think that her situation is actually making things go more smoothly between us. In my experience, when you do the long distance thing, or even the new dating thing, you get all caught up so fast. In our community that is the running joke. What do lesbians bring to the 2nd date? A U-Haul. whatever. But knowing that she is in a relationship makes us keep things in some miniscule perspective. I mean, we are out of control but we do pump the brakes when things get to be too, too much.
Instead of causing problems, it is allowing us to get to know each other slowly. To learn the other's good, bad, and ugly. We have to move slowly, and not get caught up in the newness.
So today, Im loving her more than yesterday. How is that possible?
I am SOOOO BORED. Im not only bored with work but bored at home too. Im doing very little here in my last few days at work. I have nothing to do. There is no need for me to build a rapport with any new students so Im farming out new leads to my coworkers.
I have spent the last hour working on Olivia stuff. The more I work on it, the more frustrated I get. Dealing with black women is a pain in the azz. I am so sick of the crab in a barrel mentality. Why cant we work together to make things happen?
I am suffering from too much coffee. Im so high right now and I cannot sit still. They shouldnt keep it so friggin cold 'up in hurr' lol.
Love talk? Well my Baby continues to bring me joy. Yesterday she told me she had a full day with her job and her wife, so I wouldnt hear from her until late today. I pouted and resigned myself to flying solo for the majority of the day. I even set my alarm clock to wake me, something I havent done in months because she always starts my day off with a smile.
This morning, I was laying there (pouting still) and she texted me! I was so surprised and happy. She also spent a lot of time with me today, unexpectedly. I have always begged and pleaded for my partners/lovers to LISTEN to me. I do not ask for a lot. I am so appreciative of the little things. She does that so well. She hears what I say and what I dont say. Amazing.
Im enjoying getting to know her. I think that her situation is actually making things go more smoothly between us. In my experience, when you do the long distance thing, or even the new dating thing, you get all caught up so fast. In our community that is the running joke. What do lesbians bring to the 2nd date? A U-Haul. whatever. But knowing that she is in a relationship makes us keep things in some miniscule perspective. I mean, we are out of control but we do pump the brakes when things get to be too, too much.
Instead of causing problems, it is allowing us to get to know each other slowly. To learn the other's good, bad, and ugly. We have to move slowly, and not get caught up in the newness.
So today, Im loving her more than yesterday. How is that possible?
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Thoughtful Tuesday
Today's Mood: Duh, thoughful. lol
I am thankful for the new opportunity that has opened up for me with my new job. I sit here and dread every second that ticks off the clock. I forgot how very much I hate working here, but now its crystal clear.
You would think that on my final days, I would feel melancholy. Hellz no. My boss is still an ass. He had the nerve to email me saying I had only called 2 clients all day. WTF? I have been so busy today. I interviewed 3 people, finished up a couple of others. I called a bunch of people today. I even gave advice to another recruiter who wants to quit. I HATE THIS JOB. They never stroke you or compliment you unless you are about to bounce. Thats not good or smart management.
Oh well, I only have to deal with it for a couple of days. I guess I can hang in there that long.
Love life? Hmmmm? Everything is very good with Baby. We are still cruising along on a gentle breeze. Im learning more about her and caring about her more. Not just loving but caring. Its different. I want to hear about her day, what she does. I want to make sure she is ok and that I do whatever I can to make her smile. I care about how things that transpire throught her day affect her life. I want to know more and more.
I think she is feeling the same. I have to keep reassuring her that Im not trying to pull her out of her relationship. Im not. I told her (and the world) a million times that I need for her to sit tight until she is ready to make a move and I am ready to receive her. Now is definitely not the time. I think my kids would drive her even more insane than she is. They are so ghetto-lol.
So I guess when it comes to talk of lovin her, Im doing that. Its good. Nuff said.
The other chick "S"??? Gotta go. She is a fruitcake. That goes to show that everything that looks good to ya aint good for ya. I thought she was a sweetheart but she is OFF. She is still pissed-lol. Yet, the idiot does not realize that we only went on 2 (count em) 2 dates and talked on the phone about maybe 2 weeks. I barely know her. I still have to think hard to remember her last name. Whatever. Im cuttin her all the way loose. I thought she would get it when I stopped calling but apparently Im going to have to have a conversation. I hate conversations. I wonder why so many black lesbians are off their rockers?
Im not stressing today. I have faith that everything is going to be great. Im excited about receiving my travel arrangements to San Fran Pride. Yay! Olivia put me up in a beautiful hotel. I told them Motel 6 woudl be aight cause Im not going to be in there very much anyway. I have my flight booked. Now I just have to get the money together for the vendor space.
So thats about it for today. Im going to be outta here in about 2 hours or so. Cant wait. Im going to bed early tonight. I have to be here in hell early, but I definitely need some time with my Baby. I have to think of something special to do for her. She needs a treat to reward her for making me so happy.
Til tomorrow....
I am thankful for the new opportunity that has opened up for me with my new job. I sit here and dread every second that ticks off the clock. I forgot how very much I hate working here, but now its crystal clear.
You would think that on my final days, I would feel melancholy. Hellz no. My boss is still an ass. He had the nerve to email me saying I had only called 2 clients all day. WTF? I have been so busy today. I interviewed 3 people, finished up a couple of others. I called a bunch of people today. I even gave advice to another recruiter who wants to quit. I HATE THIS JOB. They never stroke you or compliment you unless you are about to bounce. Thats not good or smart management.
Oh well, I only have to deal with it for a couple of days. I guess I can hang in there that long.
Love life? Hmmmm? Everything is very good with Baby. We are still cruising along on a gentle breeze. Im learning more about her and caring about her more. Not just loving but caring. Its different. I want to hear about her day, what she does. I want to make sure she is ok and that I do whatever I can to make her smile. I care about how things that transpire throught her day affect her life. I want to know more and more.
I think she is feeling the same. I have to keep reassuring her that Im not trying to pull her out of her relationship. Im not. I told her (and the world) a million times that I need for her to sit tight until she is ready to make a move and I am ready to receive her. Now is definitely not the time. I think my kids would drive her even more insane than she is. They are so ghetto-lol.
So I guess when it comes to talk of lovin her, Im doing that. Its good. Nuff said.
The other chick "S"??? Gotta go. She is a fruitcake. That goes to show that everything that looks good to ya aint good for ya. I thought she was a sweetheart but she is OFF. She is still pissed-lol. Yet, the idiot does not realize that we only went on 2 (count em) 2 dates and talked on the phone about maybe 2 weeks. I barely know her. I still have to think hard to remember her last name. Whatever. Im cuttin her all the way loose. I thought she would get it when I stopped calling but apparently Im going to have to have a conversation. I hate conversations. I wonder why so many black lesbians are off their rockers?
Im not stressing today. I have faith that everything is going to be great. Im excited about receiving my travel arrangements to San Fran Pride. Yay! Olivia put me up in a beautiful hotel. I told them Motel 6 woudl be aight cause Im not going to be in there very much anyway. I have my flight booked. Now I just have to get the money together for the vendor space.
So thats about it for today. Im going to be outta here in about 2 hours or so. Cant wait. Im going to bed early tonight. I have to be here in hell early, but I definitely need some time with my Baby. I have to think of something special to do for her. She needs a treat to reward her for making me so happy.
Til tomorrow....
Monday, June 11, 2007
Monday Funday
Today's Mood: Silly and Stressed
Ok, today I think I am about 15 years old. I have been in the very best mood all day. Im joking with my coworkers. Teasing my Baby. Im smiling and just happy.
Maybe its because the day started off so well. I laugh now because the phone scared me to death when she sent my first text. I had risen in the night and put the phone on my pillow like a lovesick idiot. When her ringtone sounded, my azz almost fell out of the bed. LOL.
We started off warm and ended up blazing hot, as we often do. Its our special chemistry that allows such passion while we are so far apart.
The day meandered into a silly, fun day. I joked with her off and on, teased my coworkers. Discovered even more ghetto reasons why I have to leave this job. Everyone is griping and moaning, its not even that major. I am outta here, they can stick around if they want to.
I was stressing a little because I have so many things to pay this week. I hate bills. Ugh. But luckily it will all be fine, we will just have to eat oodles of noodles for the next little bit. The only thing that is stressing me is starting this new job. I am doing ok financially but the way the salary is set up is going to be a trial for the first month. I have the week without a check. Then we get paid every week. Im used to getting a nice lumpy check biweekly. Also, since the base is a lot lower than what I make now, they are paying me the difference in a monthy "bonus" check. So I have a smaller amount coming in for 3 weeks and then one fat check at the end of the month. I don't know how that is going to affect my tightly controlled bill-rotation. I keep everything in order, and now I have to reevaluate and shuffle some things. Yikes.
I wont even talk about having to upgrade my wardrobe. Thats the hardest part. Im between plus sizes and regular. That in itself is a mess. Now I have to buy suits and dressy clothes. I hate shopping and I really don't need to spend the extra cash. Im going to have to suck it up and go for it.
Ah-money is no biggie. It comes and goes. Overall, Im so happy and excited. Everything is going so well with me, all is right with the world. Im making new friends, learning more about my old ones. My kids are wildin out, but I guess thats part of being a teenager.
I need to find advice on how to handle sexually active boys. I try to give them advice. I try to talk to them about respecting females. About condoms and std's. I try to talk to them about being safe and careful. Who knows what sticks and what doesnt. I guess I can just blindly wish for them to make it through the fire unscathed. I am guiding them as much as I can, but they are becoming men. Ugh. I dont even want to think about it.
Im ready to go to sleep right now. It will make my phone ring faster.
Ok, today I think I am about 15 years old. I have been in the very best mood all day. Im joking with my coworkers. Teasing my Baby. Im smiling and just happy.
Maybe its because the day started off so well. I laugh now because the phone scared me to death when she sent my first text. I had risen in the night and put the phone on my pillow like a lovesick idiot. When her ringtone sounded, my azz almost fell out of the bed. LOL.
We started off warm and ended up blazing hot, as we often do. Its our special chemistry that allows such passion while we are so far apart.
The day meandered into a silly, fun day. I joked with her off and on, teased my coworkers. Discovered even more ghetto reasons why I have to leave this job. Everyone is griping and moaning, its not even that major. I am outta here, they can stick around if they want to.
I was stressing a little because I have so many things to pay this week. I hate bills. Ugh. But luckily it will all be fine, we will just have to eat oodles of noodles for the next little bit. The only thing that is stressing me is starting this new job. I am doing ok financially but the way the salary is set up is going to be a trial for the first month. I have the week without a check. Then we get paid every week. Im used to getting a nice lumpy check biweekly. Also, since the base is a lot lower than what I make now, they are paying me the difference in a monthy "bonus" check. So I have a smaller amount coming in for 3 weeks and then one fat check at the end of the month. I don't know how that is going to affect my tightly controlled bill-rotation. I keep everything in order, and now I have to reevaluate and shuffle some things. Yikes.
I wont even talk about having to upgrade my wardrobe. Thats the hardest part. Im between plus sizes and regular. That in itself is a mess. Now I have to buy suits and dressy clothes. I hate shopping and I really don't need to spend the extra cash. Im going to have to suck it up and go for it.
Ah-money is no biggie. It comes and goes. Overall, Im so happy and excited. Everything is going so well with me, all is right with the world. Im making new friends, learning more about my old ones. My kids are wildin out, but I guess thats part of being a teenager.
I need to find advice on how to handle sexually active boys. I try to give them advice. I try to talk to them about respecting females. About condoms and std's. I try to talk to them about being safe and careful. Who knows what sticks and what doesnt. I guess I can just blindly wish for them to make it through the fire unscathed. I am guiding them as much as I can, but they are becoming men. Ugh. I dont even want to think about it.
Im ready to go to sleep right now. It will make my phone ring faster.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Sunday, Eh...
Today's Mood: Aight
Where to start? This has been a wicked, exhausting weekend.
I guess I will go back to Saturday. It happened again. I was in the grocery store, just walking around. I went to the ghetto Mexican grocery store, because they have the best veggies and fruits. So Im strolling along, and I see this couple-older white guy and middle aged black woman. I only notice them because they dont look like they would be together but they looked happy. I see all other kinds of people because there are always sights to see at this grocery store.
Anyway, I try to go down a lane and they are blocking my way. I laugh and tease them about hogging the row. They laugh too and move over so I can get by. As they pass, the guy said "Maam, we were talking about you earlier". I say "Huh" because I was confused. Then he said "We were talking about how beautiful you are". I just smiled and said thanks. Ok on one level I know all kinds of weirdos go to this store and maybe they were swingers...and oh you know. I dont even want to think of it. On the other hand, how sweet was that? They didn't do or say anything else and we crossed paths a few more times. I swear I have no idea what people see when they look at me. I don't. I wish there was some kind of way....I do not think Im even pretty, just average. I wanted to call my Baby and tell her about it but now Im cautious not to sound like Im bragging. Its unreal to me.
So on to "S". That babe is showing psycho tendencies already. I saw her at the club on Friday nite. She was with her other friend but she ran out there to where I was working as soon as she could ditch the girl. We talked. She said (LOL just thinking about it) "You hurt the baby" LOLOLOL. I was cracking up. Was she serious?????WTF???? LOL
After I got up off the floor, I said I was sorry? for hurting her (LOL) feelings. I don't get it. Not trying to be heartless but we only went out twice. There was no action between us. Heck I even paid for drinks.. I told her I was seeing other people. She is too. So what the hell is the problem? I think the problem is she is nuts. I am going to find a therapist and see if I can get a bonus for referring people to her. So now she wants to try to work it out (LOL) and go from there. Whatever. She has worn out her welcome.
I am more than happy with my Baby right now. I miss her terribly and hate that we cannot spend more time together. Today, I wanted to call her a million times. I love how she calls me as soon as she gets 2 free minutes. It makes me smile. Right now, if I was to look into my rational mind, I would probably worry a little. Im so content with her. I still feel as if she is the perfect person for me. She is the total package that I have asked for. Well, except for that tiny little thingy called being hitched. Other than that, she would be perfection.
Enough about her. Today I went to an all lesbian basketball tournament. No, not a WNBA game lol. It was a hood, ghetto tournament featurning job-lite baby studs. So many breastless little boys. The young femmes were no better. They had on shorts the size of my drawz and all their huge titties hanging out. They looked like they were going to the club, not a ball game. It was a superghetto fashion show. I was tripping with my friends. A few of them looked so much like dudes, we felt the need to ask for birth certificates. I had a blast, acting nutty with my friends.
So thats bout it for the weekend. Worked at the club as usual. I had fun and didnt really flirt as much as usual. At least I didnt try to flirt. It was easy. My mind was focused on other stuff. So tomorrow I get to play with my Baby and reconnect after the weekend. I also start my last week at Remington College. I don't know how to take it. Its going to be so weird. I need to go take a drug test tomorrow as well. Uh oh. LOL. Nah, that wont be a problem unless this red wine is laced with something.
Im going to bed now. It will make the time for my text from my Baby get here faster. Until tomorrow....
Where to start? This has been a wicked, exhausting weekend.
I guess I will go back to Saturday. It happened again. I was in the grocery store, just walking around. I went to the ghetto Mexican grocery store, because they have the best veggies and fruits. So Im strolling along, and I see this couple-older white guy and middle aged black woman. I only notice them because they dont look like they would be together but they looked happy. I see all other kinds of people because there are always sights to see at this grocery store.
Anyway, I try to go down a lane and they are blocking my way. I laugh and tease them about hogging the row. They laugh too and move over so I can get by. As they pass, the guy said "Maam, we were talking about you earlier". I say "Huh" because I was confused. Then he said "We were talking about how beautiful you are". I just smiled and said thanks. Ok on one level I know all kinds of weirdos go to this store and maybe they were swingers...and oh you know. I dont even want to think of it. On the other hand, how sweet was that? They didn't do or say anything else and we crossed paths a few more times. I swear I have no idea what people see when they look at me. I don't. I wish there was some kind of way....I do not think Im even pretty, just average. I wanted to call my Baby and tell her about it but now Im cautious not to sound like Im bragging. Its unreal to me.
So on to "S". That babe is showing psycho tendencies already. I saw her at the club on Friday nite. She was with her other friend but she ran out there to where I was working as soon as she could ditch the girl. We talked. She said (LOL just thinking about it) "You hurt the baby" LOLOLOL. I was cracking up. Was she serious?????WTF???? LOL
After I got up off the floor, I said I was sorry? for hurting her (LOL) feelings. I don't get it. Not trying to be heartless but we only went out twice. There was no action between us. Heck I even paid for drinks.. I told her I was seeing other people. She is too. So what the hell is the problem? I think the problem is she is nuts. I am going to find a therapist and see if I can get a bonus for referring people to her. So now she wants to try to work it out (LOL) and go from there. Whatever. She has worn out her welcome.
I am more than happy with my Baby right now. I miss her terribly and hate that we cannot spend more time together. Today, I wanted to call her a million times. I love how she calls me as soon as she gets 2 free minutes. It makes me smile. Right now, if I was to look into my rational mind, I would probably worry a little. Im so content with her. I still feel as if she is the perfect person for me. She is the total package that I have asked for. Well, except for that tiny little thingy called being hitched. Other than that, she would be perfection.
Enough about her. Today I went to an all lesbian basketball tournament. No, not a WNBA game lol. It was a hood, ghetto tournament featurning job-lite baby studs. So many breastless little boys. The young femmes were no better. They had on shorts the size of my drawz and all their huge titties hanging out. They looked like they were going to the club, not a ball game. It was a superghetto fashion show. I was tripping with my friends. A few of them looked so much like dudes, we felt the need to ask for birth certificates. I had a blast, acting nutty with my friends.
So thats bout it for the weekend. Worked at the club as usual. I had fun and didnt really flirt as much as usual. At least I didnt try to flirt. It was easy. My mind was focused on other stuff. So tomorrow I get to play with my Baby and reconnect after the weekend. I also start my last week at Remington College. I don't know how to take it. Its going to be so weird. I need to go take a drug test tomorrow as well. Uh oh. LOL. Nah, that wont be a problem unless this red wine is laced with something.
Im going to bed now. It will make the time for my text from my Baby get here faster. Until tomorrow....
Friday, June 8, 2007
Finally Friday
Today's Mood: Happy, Sad, Nervous
Lets see. I missed yesterday because my bootleg computer was acting up. Sorry. Lets talk about everything that is going on.
Work: I am so torn about taking the new job. My boss is making it difficult. He counter-offered and tossed in more incentives. I just can't do it. I was walking to the snack machine and it hit me again how much I hate this place. I love my students and my coworkers, but the job itself sux. I do appreciate how awesome they are being to me and I do see that they recognize that I am a valuable employee. I guess that counts for something. It makes me happy.
I am terribly nervous about taking on the new job. Im entering a foreign land. I have to be trained. What if Im too old or too stupid? What if I can't cut it. There is always a job at McDonalds... I think Im kinda looking forward to the challenge. I want to see if Im all that or if I have just been lucky. Its going to be hard to go from being one of the top dawgs to being a little peon.
Why am I sad? Im sad because I haven't had enough time with my baby. She has been mad busy the last few days. I guess coming off of our wonderful weekend, I am going through withdrawals. She is still there, we are still in love. Nothing negative is between us. I just miss her so much. Too much. I love the fact that even though her days are swamped, she still makes time to call or text whenever she can.
What is so weird to me is that in the past, I wouldnt even be able to discern the effort she makes to keep me happy. I also would not have noticed that she does this because she wants to spend time with me, not just to appease me. I know our limited time to play is tough on her too.
What about the other chick I was seeing? Well she is still tripping over the time she saw me with my Baby last weekend. Oh well. Thats her bad. Its making me nervous because if she is acting all nuts after 2 platonic dates...psycho tendencies. We are scheduled for a conversation sometime this weekend, and I guess that will be it.
Im starting to work on a play. The ideas are clicking into place. I think it will be interesting. I just have to map it out, and think of a way to make it different, funny, unique. There are 50 million different plays out there that make no money and are so ghetto. I don't want this to be one of them.
This is another not-so-deep day. Im just floating along. Happy with my relationship (or whatever it is), dealing with the changes. Content. Lets hope it stays that way.
Lets see. I missed yesterday because my bootleg computer was acting up. Sorry. Lets talk about everything that is going on.
Work: I am so torn about taking the new job. My boss is making it difficult. He counter-offered and tossed in more incentives. I just can't do it. I was walking to the snack machine and it hit me again how much I hate this place. I love my students and my coworkers, but the job itself sux. I do appreciate how awesome they are being to me and I do see that they recognize that I am a valuable employee. I guess that counts for something. It makes me happy.
I am terribly nervous about taking on the new job. Im entering a foreign land. I have to be trained. What if Im too old or too stupid? What if I can't cut it. There is always a job at McDonalds... I think Im kinda looking forward to the challenge. I want to see if Im all that or if I have just been lucky. Its going to be hard to go from being one of the top dawgs to being a little peon.
Why am I sad? Im sad because I haven't had enough time with my baby. She has been mad busy the last few days. I guess coming off of our wonderful weekend, I am going through withdrawals. She is still there, we are still in love. Nothing negative is between us. I just miss her so much. Too much. I love the fact that even though her days are swamped, she still makes time to call or text whenever she can.
What is so weird to me is that in the past, I wouldnt even be able to discern the effort she makes to keep me happy. I also would not have noticed that she does this because she wants to spend time with me, not just to appease me. I know our limited time to play is tough on her too.
What about the other chick I was seeing? Well she is still tripping over the time she saw me with my Baby last weekend. Oh well. Thats her bad. Its making me nervous because if she is acting all nuts after 2 platonic dates...psycho tendencies. We are scheduled for a conversation sometime this weekend, and I guess that will be it.
Im starting to work on a play. The ideas are clicking into place. I think it will be interesting. I just have to map it out, and think of a way to make it different, funny, unique. There are 50 million different plays out there that make no money and are so ghetto. I don't want this to be one of them.
This is another not-so-deep day. Im just floating along. Happy with my relationship (or whatever it is), dealing with the changes. Content. Lets hope it stays that way.
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